No longer. Today marks the beginning of a new age; one in which I take my place as rightful ruler of this pathetic little world. Yes. Tremble in terror, fools, as I enact my most cunning plan yet: talking like an over the top supervillain for absolutely no reason!
If you wish to survive my masterstroke, then you have but one chance. You too must speak like a supervillain to any and all who address you. Only then will you have but a taste of my awesome power.
Think you that I am mad? No! It is you who are mad -- mad to speak as a pirate, mad to speak as a caveman, mad to speak as a brain damaged feline or a dullard gamer! There is but one manner of speech, and that is the speech of supervillainy.
So join me, reader. For you see: we are very much alike, you and I. Together we can rule this world. Stand by my side and we shall crush all those in our path. Oppose me, and I will make sure your death is slow and painful.
MWA HA HA HA HA!