Screw you, news media.

Do you know how goddamn hard I work at not getting spoiled for the one stupid comic book I still think is worth reading these days? Almost every other comic I like is cancelled, cut short, infected by horrible crossover events, or given to crappy writers, but Ultimate Spider-Man has managed to maintain its quality (despite a brief hiccup of art that I hated) for about ten years now.

But does the news care about that? Does the news care that I might be enjoying the series, and would like to read it without them BLARING EVERY FUCKING SPOILER ON THE FRONT PAGE OF EVERY WEBSITE, NEWSPAPER, AND TELEVISION SHOW THEY HAVE?

What the hell is it with comic books and spoilers that people seem to think it's perfectly fine to spew them out instantly even before the book has come out? I managed to avoid major spoilers from USM when it was on the front page of the New York Times a few months ago, but Kotaku apparently decided that 18 hours of the book being out was good enough for them, and so put the major development of the latest issue in the headline on their main page.

What if Harry Potter had been released and the New York Times posted the major spoilers for the last book three months ahead of time? What if it came out and inside of 24 hours every major review site and news organization had headlines full of spoilers?

Damn it. The one stupid comic I actually like these days, and the world seems determined to ruin it for me.


Surfing in the face of danger

Woo! Surfing the internet at 3AM while Armageddon no doubt rages outside my window is just more proof of how badass I am.

Anyway, who wants to meet up in the smoking remains of our destroyed civilization later today? Say around noon? I'll be the one wearing spiked shoulder pads and driving a dune buggy. Post-apocalypse block party! Wahoo!

This has got to be my favorite apocalypse ever. Is there any way that the December 21st, 2012 apocalypse could possibly match up to this one? I doubt it. You've got your work cut out for you, Mayans! I know you've got Quetzlcoatl waiting in the wings (get it?) to devour the world, but that's going to seem pretty lame in comparison to the giant earthquakes that I have full confidence are actually occurring outside right now.

I'm obviously just one of God's chosen, so that's why they haven't affected me, but it must be pretty damned (literally) apocalyptic out there for the rest of humanity. Too bad you're not all as holy as I am, suckers!

Anyway, I remain skeptical about the whole world-devouring thing. Earthquakes are much more exciting. When you get devoured by a winged snake-bird god, it's over in like two seconds. World-destroying earthquakes are the apocalypse that keeps on apocalypting.

Happy Apocalypse, everyone!

You thought to defeat me? Never! I. Am. INVINCIBLE!

The hour of my greatest triumph is upon us once more. For an entire revolution of the sun, I have lain dormant, content to allow the world to believe my inherent mastery over all things had waned. No more! The day of days is come! Join me in talking like a supervillain and together we shall rule all of creation!

There were those who doubted my resolve. There were those who believed I had neither the drive nor the memory to bring the glory of talk-like-a-supervillain-day back from the brink of annihilation! My enemies would see my attempts at creating a psuedo-holiday of abnormal speech patterns destroyed before my vision was ever brought to fruition.

They were fools to doubt me. Fools to question me. Fools to ever believe they could stop that which I have set into motion. There is no stopping it now. The [OSTENSIBLE HERO] could not stop it. What makes you think [THE UNLIKELY HERO] stands a chance? It is beyond comprehension! Nothing can stop me now!

I give you one last chance to join me, you incompetent fool. Perhaps if you can prove your worth to me by speaking like a supervillain, I might spare your miserable life. But do not think to try my patience! My might and wisdom may be infinite, but my mercy is not.

Join me, and together we shall reshape the world...IN MY IMAGE! MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Great Random Xander Story List Update

So I know I said I would respond to story idea suggestions for The Great Random Xander Story a few weeks ago, but you should all know by now that my vast reserves of laziness would never let that happen quite so quickly. I have just now finally responded, so if you left an idea and I never replied, now's the time to check back.

Also, somehow my LJ settings were set to screen anonymous comments for like a week there, so if you tried to submit an idea and it looked like it never posted, that's why. I've since turned screening back off.

Finally, as for the First Iteration, I'm still working on that, but I think I may start Iteration 3 soon as well. Iteration 1 is at a tough part that I'm trying to slog my way through, so it may be good to try something else for a little while and then go back.

(Oh, and if I haven't replied to you yet, feel free to leave a comment here, because if I haven't replied on the main thread yet it's because I completely missed your post in the first place. There are 270 comments on that entry now, so it's a big hard to go through it all.)

I Love Community...

But for goodness sake, someone give Gillian Jacobs a Big Mac or something. What's she weigh now, 85 pounds?

Britta is fast becoming one of my favorite characters on the show, but man alive, she looks like she's dying. I hope she's not sick or anything.

So what do you guys say. Who wants to chip in and send her a pizza?

Fic: The Great Random Xander Story - Iteration One (17/?)

So as you may have guessed, I'm not doing fantastically right now. I have to wait at least six weeks for this newest treatment to kick in, and until then I'm kind of twisting in the wind, brain-wise. My output rate is probably not going to be as high as it was a few months ago, but I'm not done with this story yet. I would feel pretty guilty if I abandoned it before I ever got to the second idea, let alone the third. I'm also not done doing Random Xander Stories in general, and I plan on updating the list soon, so please feel free to keep making suggestions if you haven't already.

Anyhow, here's the next installment for Iteration One.

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It was bound to happen

The great unappeasable god of brain maladies has descended upon me once again. I was hoping my brief period of being able to write and concentrate properly wouldn't be quite so brief, but what I hope and what happens are not always in synch. Hopefully I'll have better news after I talk to my doctor again.

In the meantime, the GRXS is not abandoned. I have actually worked on it in the last month, I just haven't managed to finish an actual installment. That's partly because A) we've reached a point where the major plotlines of the original univere are kind of dealt with for now, so I'm essentially just stalling until we get to the next idea used and B) because while I do have some ideas for what's going to happen next, I'm not happy with the execution of them so far. I've rewritten one scene in particular about four times now, and I'm still not happy with it.

Now I may wind up just saying "screw it" and going past that scene even if it doesn't live up to my own standards. That's to be determined. I know you guys are all used to me telling you how poorly I think the GRXS has been written so far (and you've all been very nice in claiming otherwise, which is clearly just to make me feel better), but that belief still stands for me. I'm not thrilled with the quality; particularly the dialogue. I'm afraid I've been kind of half-assing it.

No, I'm not afraid of that, I'm quite certain of that. That's because that was supposed to be the whole point of this GRXS in the first place. It was supposed to be the story that I could half-ass to get back into the swing of things, only now I'm all annoyed with myself for writing something not up to my own standards.

(PS: I'm also annoyed with myself because side-effects currently have me knee-deep in mood-swing-depression-land, so take everything I say with a grain of salt.)

Anyway, just thought I'd point out that I'm still here. Don't give up on me just yet.

On an unrelated note:

You should be watching Community.

Open letter to the internet

My dearest internet,

I know you're desperate for the next big meme to make your life worth living, and I understand that you're deeply interested in watching people's personal lives crumble into dust right before your very eyes, but I was kind of hoping you'd draw the line with this Charlie Sheen nonsense. Call me crazy, but I don't find it at all amusing or hilarious to watch a man who should be in jail for domestic abuse flaunt his insanity.

Charlie Sheen held a knife to his wife's throat and threatened to kill her, but he's famous, so he doesn't go to jail. Or she's a gold digger, so she deserves it.

That's not funny. He's not funny. His mental state is not funny. This entire thing is sad, and the more you giggle and twitter over every insane thing he says, the less serious it becomes. Charlie Sheen's life is not a joke, it's a tragedy; not for him, but for the people around him.

But hey, we love a good trainwreck, don't we? I can't wait to retweet the next crazy thing he says!

M. McGregor, the living legend (so dreamy!)

Fanfic: The Great Random Xander Story - Iteration Two (1/1)

This is NOT THE SAME STORY AS ITERATION ONE. This is a new story, a much shorter story, and a much more depressing and half-assed story. (I'm really selling it, aren't I?)

Because I feel the need to explain myself, there will be some explanations after the story itself.

Warnings: Crossovers I don't know how to write, character death, lack of detail

Title: The Great Random Xander Story - Iteration Two
Author: M. McGregor
Disclaimer: Not only are these not my ideas, I can't even claim to have put much effort into putting my own spin on them. Read at your own risk of boredom.
Summary: Three random changes to Xander's life, submitted by readers and *cough* "written" by M. McGregor.

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