| (no subject) |
[Jul. 3rd, 2009|04:38 am] |
Dear Brain,
Yeah, screw you too.
No love,
-M. McGregor (the living legend.) |
|
|
| More talk about Supernatural -- Is predictability a bad thing? |
[Jul. 1st, 2009|09:32 am] |
Supernatural, Stargate, Heroes, latter incarnations of Star Trek: I'm starting to notice a pattern in what bothers me about all of these shows. The premises I all like, and I certainly like the genre(s), and they all have their own individual problems I could complain about from the dialogue to the pacing, but there seems to be one problem that exists in all of them.
They're too predictable. I can figure out the twist in episodes within the first minute most of the time. I know who the bad guys are. I know when it's time travel. I know when the seemingly nice person is possessed and when the seemingly bad person is actually a good guy. I know when it's a dream. I know when it's a joke. I know when it's an alternate reality. I know when they're going to die.
It seems to me that shows that I like, shows that I really enjoy, they don't get predictable like that. Sure, there's the opposite end of the spectrum when you get Battlestar Galactica that just has a bunch of unpredictable stuff happen and never explains it, but that's another problem altogether.
This is also why it bothers me when shows like that try to be clever and meta, such as Stargate's Wormhole X-treme stuff. They start poking fun at themselves as if I didn't notice all the ridiculous tropes and cliches they use all the time. I can't laugh along with them when these obvious contrivances keep making the show seem so bland and boring to me.
Is it me? Have I just read, watched, and written too much genre fiction in my time? Am I somehow watching too intently? Do I pay too much attention? I got fifteen seconds into a Supernatural episode before I realized it was going to be a Groundhog's Day ripoff homage. I wouldn't really mind that if I hadn't already figured out the hooks to a bunch of other episodes already as well.
Maybe this is why authors like Grant Morrison or Warren Ellis appeal to me so much. When they write a story, I don't know where it's going or what is going to happen next. It's why the biggest complaint I have with Joss Whedon isn't Spike or Andrew or supposed failed attempts at feminism. It's that I know when he has two people become romantically involved, the happier they are is directly proportional to how dead one of them is going to be. It's the predictability that bothes me more than anything else.
Which means that maybe it really is my problem. I can't really think of why predictability is inherently bad in storytelling. You look at a lot of popular fiction or fanfiction, and it's full of the most predictable tripe in the world. There's a reason why Mary Sues persist in fiction, and it's not just because the author likes them. Readers enjoy them too, and I wonder if it's because they like the comfortable feeling of knowing exactly where things are going. They can just sit back and enjoy the events that occur in the story without having to worry about something sneaking up behind them and shocking them.
But that's not me. When I can guess what's going to happen in a story before it happens, I tend to automatically count that as a bad thing. When readers guess what I'm going to do in one of my stories before I post that chapter, I start really worrying that I'm not telling the story properly.
I feel like the key to storytelling is to make the reader question what's going to happen next. I feel like the audience should be surprised when an event happens, but that the event itself should make sense after the fact. If they can figure out major portions of the plot before they occur, then the whole thing kind of loses its luster.
But I also know that I can enjoy reading a book again even though I know the entire plot. I know I can watch a TV show that I've seen before. And I know that some of the best stories out there give you the basic plot right up front, and don't force you to guess at what the hook is. What they do make you guess at is how the plot will be resolved.
I watch something like Supernatural, and the truth is I usually don't know how something will be resolved, but I still feel like the show suffers from predictability. This might be because the resolutions to each episode usually consist of "stab evil thing until it bleeds to death."
Maybe it's a problem I have with episodic television in general. In an arc-based show, the events of individual episodes aren't based around a single hook. In a show like Supernatural, each episode is about a different hook, and figuring out that hook is supposed to be part of the process of watching the show.
I've meandered a bit. My point is that I'm not sure if this is my problem or not. If it's just me, then it means I'm ruined for most movies, television shows, books, comics, or video games. There's a lot of evidence to support that.
If it's not me, then it means that most movies, television shows, books, comics, and video games are just generally bad. There's a lot of evidence to support that too.
But a lot of you guys seem to really like Stargate or Supernatural. And while I don't think Supernatural is as bad as Stargate, I have never once found myself thinking that it's a fantastic show. It has its moments so far, and I can certainly see why fanfic writers would enjoy it (it's got potential up the wazoo), but I don't have that magical moment where I sit back in awe and realize I'm watching something great.
It's okay. There are good moments, but they're not amazing. There are bad moments, and they can get pretty bad. And there are very, very predictable moments.
I just don't know if I have the right to complain about that kind of thing. Maybe it's just a matter of personal taste. I don't know.
What I do know is that I don't feel good, but even when my brain is threatening to melt my eyeballs out of my skull, I can still figure out the plot to most episodes of Supernatural.
Take that for what it's worth. |
|
|
| A little somethin' for the ladies |
[Jun. 29th, 2009|02:12 am] |
Ladies, I have a question for you.
Being a manly man type man of manly proportions, when I am startled or shocked by potential danger, I have one of two reactions. If it's a bug, snake, or similar "don't let it bite you" kind of creature, I tend to go "Whoa!" and back away as quickly as possible.
If it's a villainous type, I tend to go rushing forward with fists balled (not a smart reaction.)
However, television (coughSUPERNATURALcough) would lead me to believe that women, when faced in either of these two situations, will stand stock still, open their mouths as wide as possible, and shriek in one long sustained note.
So my question to you, ladies, is this: Have you ever actually stood there screaming like an idiot when something scared you? Were you properly ashamed of yourself afterwards? Do you suffer from the vapors?
Explanation of above:
Due to recent boredom, laziness, brain-dysfunction, and and a whole host of other reasons, I started watching Supernatural again, picking up where I left off somewhere around the beginning of Season Two. I know a lot of you folks seem to like this show, but man alive there's a lot of shrieking women on this show. Even the tough chick who wants to be a demon hunter type starts shrieking the second a poltergeist starts getting a little polty with her.
I just can't imagine being in a situation where something scary happens and my initial response is to simply stand there and scream my head off. Chickens, actual honest-to-god poultry, have more intelligent reactions than that.
Maybe ghosts have superpowers that can negate hundreds of thousands of years of human evolution. Fight or flight becomes scream or shriek.
I'm sure the great episodes that are full of snappy writing and grand drama are going to show up aaaany second now. |
|
|
| The closest I've ever come to reading an RPF |
[Jun. 28th, 2009|07:26 am] |
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) arkeus recently informed me of this amazing bit of news
Terry Goodkind, author of the stellar (if we pretend that word has no meaning) Sword of Truth series, has apparently written a new story.
And it seems that it is essentially a Real Person Fic of his own material. I'm not sure if this is the most asinine thing ever, the most brilliant thing ever, or simply the most pretentious thing ever. I'm either completely awed by it, or I'm having a hard time not rolling my eyes out of my skull.
There's still a tiny part of me that hopes Terry Goodkind is actually the greatest author of our age, and that he's going to mindfuck the crap out of all of us by making this book a secret sequel to the SOT series, and finally reveal that Richard Rahl is in fact the greatest villain of all time.
But until that day, Terry Goodkind will have to exist as a Schrodinger's Author. He is either a genius or a complete fucking fool, and until we can observe the truth, he's technically both. You can't argue with it. It's Science.
Edit to Add: Oops, I got confused as to what awful kind of fanfiction I was comparing this to. It should be an All Human AU fic, not a Real Person Fic. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jun. 27th, 2009|12:50 am] |
Okay, that wasn't all.
Dear Burn Notice. I like you. You're a nice, fun little show. But please, I beg of you, stop trying to make Gabrielle Anwar speak in any kind of accent. She can't do an irish accent, she can't do a neutral American accent, and after yesterday's episode, it is appallingly clear that she can not do a criminal (read: New York) accent. The hair twirling and gum popping was idiotic. I can barely tolerate the normal accent she does on the show.
So please stop pretending that she's Rich Little.
Although I guess it's only her over the top awfulness that distracts me from the weakness in Jeffrey Donovan's criminal (read: Boston) accent, so maybe it's worth it after all. |
|
|
| Seven random thoughts |
[Jun. 24th, 2009|02:22 am] |
Random thought number one: What would life be like if there was no such thing as the placebo effect? I had that thought this afternoon and I've been mulling it over all day. I really can't imagine how different the world would be. So much would be different. Thousands of years of history would be different. It's a remarkably potent aspect of human psychology, and one that often goes unnoticed. Which is appropriate, of course. If you noticed every time you were feeling a placebo effect, it wouldn't be a placebo effect.
Random thought number two: How weird is it that we call our galaxy the Milky Way? I mean, from a certain perspective it's weird enough that most celestial bodies in our solar system are named after Roman and Greek gods, but "Milky Way" is so just so oddly colloquial. It's one of those things that you don't think of as being weird because that's just always been what it's called, but really. Think about it. The entire massive galaxy, this tremendous and awe-inspiring collection of billions of stars and possibly trillions of planets, this ancient grouping of stars across the vast cosmos in which humankind first came to being:
And we named it after milk on account of it looked kind of white.
Although yeah, maybe we can go for a milk=nurturing kind of thing, but no. We call it the milky way cause it kinda looks like milk. Thanks, Chaucer (and Greeks). Way to be poetic.
You know all those astronomers who eventually realized that Pluto shouldn't be considered a planet anymore? Well they need to get together and come up with a new name for our galaxy. I suggest something fierce and threatening. But you don't have to take my word for it:
Begin Simulation
Alien 1: Gleebzat, this puny Andromeda galaxy fell swiftly to our murdertron robots and ionized death transducers. Which galaxy shall we conquer next?
Alien 2: There is this one here. It is a spiral galaxy that looks very much like a milky sort of substance, not that I, as a completely alien biological species would have any concept of milk, but in my intergalactic travels I have learned of its existence, as well as the existence of this galaxy. I feel we should conquer it next, Grand Commander Nrot!
Alien 1: Very well! What is the name of this galaxy that we shall soon be eradicating with pulses from our homicide cannons?
Alien 2: The locals refer to it as the "Galaxy of Alien-Killers," Grand Commander.
Alien 1: Egad! That sounds to be more trouble than it is worth. Redirect our hyperstab engines to the next galaxy over from the Galaxy of Alien-Killers. We will give those fiercesome creatures a wide berth.
Alien 2: Of course, Grand Commander. And might I add that whichever local sentient creature came up with that name, it should be showered with praise by its fellow sexually compatible compatriots for being so clever!
Alien 1: Duly noted, Gleebzat. Duly noted.
End Simulation
So as you can see, getting a tough sounding name is really going to save lives in the long run. It's the same reason why bikers and other tough guys name themselves things like Madman or Shiv or Stabby Stabberson or what have you. You don't want to mess with those guys. They might shiv you or stab you or get really mad at you for no discernible reason. And can I just add for the record that I still think Madman was totally out of line for cursing me out the other day. That dude needs anger managment, for serious.
Random thought number three: I am hereby retiring the running joke of "Maybe the M. in M. McGregor stands for Meredith." I do this because it has come to my attention that some of you may be doing this as a reference to something from Stargate. I will not stand for this. Therefore, if you wish to suggest that the M stands for something feminine, I must insist that you use either Megan, Michelle, or even Madonna. Then we can all have a nice chuckle without having to make me think about Stargate, especially since we all know the M in M. McGregor stands for M. McGregor.
That's right. Recursive acronym, my friends! The best kind of acronym! Jealous? You know you are.
Random thought number four: If there's ever a revolution in this country, I'm going to be completely out of the loop since I don't use twitter, facebook, or myspace, and because LJ folk are much too busy making fanvids or dabbing tears from their eyes with doilies embroidered with pictures of pink ribbons and kittens to engage in the tough-guy activity of overthrowing a government. That's for people who twitter. Twitter's where the jocks of blogging hang out and say stuff like "Omg im totally guna revolt 2day".
That's right, I'm still gonna make fun of Twitter, even when it's being used to coordinate an actual overthrowing of a totalitarian regime. I'm just edgy like that, what can I say?
(Please don't hurt me, Twitter people. I'll go back to writing my Buffy fanfic and talking about going to ren-faires or something, I swear!)
Random thought number five: I keep forgetting that Richard Dawkins isn't famous to a lot of people. I get when people don't know who Neil DeGrasse Tyson, Eugenie Scott, Christopher Hitchens, Michael Shermer, PZ Meyers, or Steven Novella are. But to me, Richard Dawkins is a world-famous celebrity. Then I have to go into this crazy nerd speak where I explain that he's a really famous evolutionary biologist, which is not exactly the coolest of sentences I have ever said.
Or, depending on your point of view and levels of nerddom, THE COOLEST THING I HAVE EVER SAID.
Random thought number six: Look, I like that the Huffington Post is keeping up with a lot of the new-media stuff and is acting as a kind of aggregator for the piecemeal info coming out of Iran, but this does not change the fact that the Huffington Post is an anti-scientific rag that also happens to be full of poor journalism and ridiculous editorial stances.
They let Jim Carrey write an article about vaccines and autism. No, not Doctor Jim Carrey, MD. Jim Carrey, the guy who got beat by Jamie Foxx for title of "First In Living Color castmember to realize they aren't funny and could actually get an Academy Award if they just act in a serious film."
That Jim Carrey. So fuck the Huffington Post. They could break the next Watergate scandal and I'd still hate them for promoting pro-childhood disease activist Jim Carrey. (See I stole that technique from the abortion arguments and changed it from anti-vaccine to pro-childhood disease. Goddamn I'm devious.)
Random thought number seven: What does it say about me that I think playing the lottery is very aptly described as "taxes for the stupid," have never played the lottery or bought a lottery ticket in my life, and yet will often fantasize about what I'm going to do "when I win the lottery?"
Actually, I guess the odds of me winning the lottery are only slightly lower than my odds of finding an unclaimed winning lottery ticket floating on the breeze, so maybe it's not that crazy.
Lucky seven, baby! |
|
|
| Toot. |
[Jun. 21st, 2009|10:53 pm] |
Okay, despite all the jokes about my ego, I don't do this very often, but I'd like to point out that thanks to all of you folks, I Am What I Am is now in the top 20 fanfics (going by recommendations) on Twisting the Hellmouth, and has also been the number one non-crossover fic on there for quite a while.
So I'd just like to say how much I appreciate the fact that people still seem to be getting something from that story, even though I just read it back a few days ago and am horrified at how poorly written it is (Yes, that's right, I think it's time for a third editing.)
But thanks, people. You should know that I'm very uncomfortable talking about awards or accolades, and I still feel weird about the one time I posted award images. It makes me feel wrong somehow, which we can chalk up to severe psychological damage.
So I'm going against my better instincts because I want to say once again how much I appreciate you guys sticking with me through the months or years long fic droughts, the feigned arrogance (I'm too awesome to actually be arrogant), the insane babblings, and the hilarious, hilarious jokes.
Thanks, unseen friends existing purely within the ether of cyberspace! I certainly hope that you are not all elaborate bots created by extremely patient identity thieves, each of whom is hoping I will eventually reveal enough personal information about myself to steal my identity and purchase a plasma screen television! Huzzah! |
|
|
| Triumph of the nerds |
[Jun. 20th, 2009|10:36 am] |
Excuse me, I just have a little something in my eye.
|
|
|
| New Decree |
[Jun. 19th, 2009|08:31 pm] |
From now on I would appreciate it if you would all refer to me by the following title whenever talking about me behind my back: M. McGregor, the living legend.
Here's a typical example:
"Hey, did you hear about what M. McGregor, the living legend, did today?"
"No, what did M. McGregor, the living legend, do today?"
"M. McGregor, the living legend, sat on a plate of brownies and was walking around with brownie remnants all over the back of his pants all day long. Nobody told him about it, so we all just laughed at M. McGregor, the living legend, whenever he wasn't looking."
"Wow, that M. McGregor, the living legend, sure is a class A dummard."
So if you guys could all get on that, I'd appreciate it.
--Signed,
M. McGregor, the living legend.
Edit: Also, for you ladies out there, if you wanted to add in a parenthetical (so dreamy!) afterwards, that's cool too. I mean, I'm not saying you have to, but I wouldn't try to stop you, ya dig?
And guys, if you're feeling left out, you could also precede any statement about me with a, "I'm not gay, but dayum."
Or if you are gay you could say, "I'm gay, but honestly M. McGregor, the living legend, doesn't actually do it for me anyway."
Or if you were kind of sexually confused you could say, "I'm kind of open to whatever, so M. McGregor's anonymous lack of any clear visual or even emotional descriptors is perfect for me, allowing me to insert him into my fantasies with no real trouble whatsoever. Also, he's a living legend."
And transexuals, you could also be like, "That M. McGregor, the living legend, he's a prince, that man."
And hyper-evolved dogs that have recently gained the power of human speech? You could be like, "Rat Rem ReCregor, re's a riving regend!"
And hyper-evolved cats that have recently gained the power of human speech? DIE, YOU UNHOLY SPAWNS OF HELL! DIE!
--Signed again,
M. McGregor, the living legend. |
|
|
| Wait, hang on a second |
[Jun. 17th, 2009|01:23 pm] |
Let me get this straight. The Mary Sue/Self-Insertion author-protagonist of the Twilight series is a perfect beautiful jewel of a girl whose only flaw is that she's clumsy?
Seriously? Clumsy? Because if that's true, I really have to ask: is it possible that this series is actually one giant parody? Every single Mary Sue (and I mean specifically female Mary Sues, not Marty Stus or what have you) in the history of the universe has clumsiness as their fatal flaw.
I know I'm late to the incredulous Twilight party, but come on, this can't be serious. It has to be a joke. It just has to be.
Also: Having now read a few excerpts, do you know how badly it hurts me physically to know that this woman is making a living off of publishing this shit, and yet I am a poor bastard in debt up to his eyeballs?
Damn it. |
|
|
| You can't lose what you never had |
[Jun. 16th, 2009|01:06 pm] |
Sometimes, in my wildest imaginings, the impossible happens. Sometimes, when I pray really hard, that which could never be becomes true.
Sometimes, if I believe strongly enough, things turn out right in the end.
Sometimes, in my heart of hearts, a great wrong is righted. In my head, in my hopes, and in my dreams, I pretend that this is how it all turned out.
Yes, my friends. It's true. Sometimes, when I'm all alone and no one is watching, I like to close my eyes and believe that Anakin Skywalker's wish to wish wishes had come true.
It would have been magical.
Oh I wish he could have wished for the ability to wish he could wish his feelings away. Why, universe? Why did you deny him even that? You and your blasted wish paradoxes!
Annie/Padme 4-EVA.
[Krelian]Well fine, universe! If you won't grant Anakin the ability to wish for the ability to wish for wishes, then I must assume that there is no invisible Genie constantly following Anakin Skywalker around. And if that's true, then there is only one thing I can do. I WILL CREATE THAT GENIE, AND THEN I WILL KILL HIM![/Krelian] |
|
|
| In two months it'll be ten years. I shan't forget you, my friends. Shan't'n't do it at all, I shan't |
[Jun. 12th, 2009|01:10 pm] |
Dis is absoluddly fussinadink.
Master Ninja theme song!
Watch it, you turkey!
They're making woppets!
Hi keeba!
Each man is a god, each man is free.
Dad? Is that you? Daaaayd?
Mitchell!
The dog's meat! Have you seen it?
Your weapons are useless against me! (Hyah hyah hyaaaaah.)
Rowsdower.
Thong! The fish is ready!
Rock n' Roll Martian!
The Master is away.
You know, Captain, every year of my life, I grow more and more convinced that the wisest and best is to fix our attention on the good and the beautiful.
Mom. My nuts?
And of course:
You think you can take me? Go ahead on. It's your move.
(If you have to ask, it means you are lacking in true education.) |
|
|
| Fighting for YOUR rights |
[Jun. 9th, 2009|07:36 am] |
People always like to say, "Your tax dollars at work" whenever the government does anything stupid, as if every penny of your taxes was split evenly between every single government program on the face of the earth.
Not my tax dollars. Using space-age technology, I tracked down where every cent of my tax dollars went. It turns out that they were used to fund research for an automatic fruit picking robot for use in the military.
I found it to be a completely justifiable expense. |
|
|
| An outrageous claim makes for outrageous fame |
[May. 30th, 2009|11:14 pm] |
I invented soup.
One day I was sitting around and trying to figure out what to eat. I had all these vegetables and diced meats, but I didn't want to eat them individually like I'd been doing for years now. There's only so many times I can eat little celery chunks by themselves.
Suddenly I was like, "Whoa. What if I put all that crap into a big old pot and boiled the ever lovin' stank out of it?"
That's just what I did. And lo and behold, what I got was the tastiest mostly-liquid meal I had ever had in my entire life. Why, the liquid to tastiness ratio was off the charts. This was even better than the time I invented really watery oatmeal. No, this was something else. This was a game changer.
I picked up the phone at once.
"Watson, come here! I need you!"
Watson, my time traveling robot, materialized into my kitchen.
"Master," he said. "The time paradox is not yet resolved. Universal collapse will occur in less than six hours."
"Shutup, Watson. You're harshing my soup-buzz. Ooh. Soup! That's what I'll call it!"
"I do not understand, Master. What is this beverage you are ingesting?"
"Oh it's not a beverage, my time traveling robot slave. It's soup. It's food and beverage combined into one tasty bowl. I'm a genius. I'll go down in history for this."
"This is unlikely, Master. Space-time is collapsing into a non-linear singularity. This moment is no longer in existence."
"Damn it, Watson! Don't you cheat me out of my greatest invention yet! Fire up the Chrono-Drive and find me my Time-Lasers! I won't let this moment be erased from existence."
"Yes, Master. Chrono-Drive engines are spooling up. But, Master, I have a query. How can we continue to function if this time is already non-existent?"
"Watson, you simple bastard. Leave the time paradoxes to the professionals, okay? Now do me a favor and contact Professor Omniverse."
"The Professor does not currently exist, Master. Would you like for me to leave a message in case of universal reconfiguration?"
"Yeah," I said as I strapped on my Time-Lasers and set the Industro-Beam to full charge. "Tell him I finally figured out how to combine beverage and food, tell him I'm a goddamn genius, and tell him he's got a stern ass kicking coming his way if he doesn't engage his Tachyon Nets like yesterday!"
My name is Squanto, and that's the story of the first Thanksgiving. |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|